Category Archives: Elders

SafeGraySpace

14 Thursday Jan 2016

Posted by in Aging in Place. Seniors, Alzheimers, Boomers, Economic Insecurity, Elders, Livable Community, Uncategorized

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I phoned my step-dad yesterday. I wanted to take him over to the duplex to show it to him. The trash was cleaned out. The walls had been white-washed with cheap paint to hide the remains of their dark history. With this initial step completed, I wanted to introduce my step-dad to where I’d be moving to.

He lives right up the street from me in a Retirement Community. I visit with him often.  When I called, he didn’t recognize who I was. Sometimes, it’s just that he literally can’t hear who is calling. He’s sporadically used a hearing aid for decades; when he could remember where he put it or simply to use it. But, he has Alzheimer’s, so more often than not, he really doesn’t know who is who or what goes where.

After the required re-establishment of who I was, where he was and why I was calling, he explained that he was too busy. He could not go anywhere because he was helping someone get a cane; that someone is his constant companion at the Retirement Community. He couldn’t recall her name but I gently inserted it into my next sentence when I kindly asked him to please be sure to tell her I said hello.

She has memory issues as well. I watched her mobility deteriorate steadily during 2015, but her hearing is intact. She can tell him when his cell phone is ringing. He remains physically fit and can help her hobble around. They make a good team; they keep each other occupied.

That’s what Almost Eighty looks like; he is 79, she’s 78. They majority of the residents where they live, have nearly identical issues. Those fortunate residents have the financial security to ensure this kind of safe, secure, comfortable elder- life-style. It is the institutional version of  my wish for a SafeGraySpace.

In two quick decades, millions of us will be 80. Unfortunately, many don’t have such robust, financial resources.

Fear not. May I Introduce Section 504; the Home Repair program that provides loans and grants to improve homes for the elderly. At 62 you can qualify for a loan/ grant combo of $27,500 at 1%. You have to be low-income. A USDA home loan specialist can help if this is a program that can help someone in need.

I’m not going to wait till I’m 62. I hope I’m not officially low-income at that time; better keep my day job.

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2015’s End

31 Thursday Dec 2015

Posted by in Elders, Galveston, Grandparenting, Gun Control, Livable Community, Love, Mental illness, Uncategorized

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I feel stranded. My battery is dead. When I tried to start my car yesterday; nothing. Not a click, not a sound. It feels like more than just that.

I was headed over to the duplex I bought in 2015; the one where I was going to begin my SafeGraySpaces project. The place I planned to renovate into a elder friendly, barrier-free, tiny-home for my own aging-in- place.

I’d ‘inherited’ renters. They had a lease when I bought it. Now, they’re officially delinquent. My upstairs tenant called to tell me it appeared the downstairs tenants  were moving out. Fare thee well free-loaders.

2015’s final two weeks were particularly strange; including a sad phone call asking for help locating the two young children whose 73 year old, great-grandmother had shot her husband to death in the wee hours of Christmas morning. Worst Christmas  ever for  too many innocent people.

At reunions over the past few summers I’d spent hours with this great-grandmother and these two young children. She’d been raising them since they were babies. Their love for one another was obvious. What happens to push a great-grandmother to uncharacteristic, violent action? Evidently, true desperation!

Three days before that horrible incident, I’d  witnessed the whale stranding on the West End of the island. I’ve had the amazing privilege  of kayaking along side whales in the Sea of Cortez.

To see this gentle giant so far from it’s normal, deep ocean home, struggling to simply take it’s final breath; split my heart to pieces. Witnessing this mystical creature flailing and suffering so much, was deeply disturbing. I quietly said goodbye and slowly wandered away.

I’ll head outside in a few minutes when there is enough daylight to see. I’ll clean my terminals off and see if my car starts. If it does, I’ll venture over and check on the duplex. Who knows what I’ll find remaining there?

I bid goodbye to all parts of 2015 and all it’s memories. Welcome 2016!

 

Repeat After Me

21 Tuesday Apr 2015

Posted by in AARP, Aging, Alzheimers, Anti-Aging, Assisted Living, Boomers, Dementia, Elders, livability

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For those of us who grew up with vinyl records, we know what it sounds like when a record skips. You hear the same music or lyrics over and over until you move the arm over the scratch. Or you could tape a penny onto the arm to try to create enough pressure for the needle to find it’s way through. You had a favorite song, off a favorite record, by a favorite group. It’s difficult to give it all up.

I hear the same stories over and over when visiting with my step-dad at the Retirement Community for Active Seniors where he resides. I have tried all the hints; validate what they are saying, distract or redirect them to another activity. But within minutes, he repeats the same question, the same story over and over. I have not found a way to tape a penny to the arm that is guiding that needle through the grooves in his mind.

I dearly love this man; he’s the remaining elder of our family. I try to spend time with him regularly. In order to do so, I have learned to set limits. In a typical visit, I hear the same story every 5 minutes. When we sit with his friends, almost all of them do exactly the same thing. I cannot change the course of his life but I try to show up and show some compassion. And, I try to learn from what I am witnessing. I plan to plan for my own inevitable changes.

Repeat after me- Plan on aging. It eventually happens. Normal aging does not condemn you to assisted living, but the majority of the people residing where my step-dad lives have some obvious degree of dementia. Dementia is a broad term and Alzheimer’s is a form of dementia. Alzheimer’s numbers are alarming. An estimated 5.3 million Americans have this disease.

This number continues to grow. In ten years, the number of people 65 + with Alzheimer’s is estimated to reach over 7 million. My friend has a mom that lives in the same Retirement Community as my step-dad. She is moving her mom to another facility, one that can seamlessly transition residents from assisted living to full-time nursing care. Her mom’s health is diminishing. My friend is planning for the next step.

Repeat after me, start thinking about your own future. Repeat after me- plan on aging.

On the Fence

22 Sunday Mar 2015

Posted by in Aging, Anti-Aging, Boomers, Elders

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My Anti Anti-Aging post got some attention with a little bit of reaction. Seems like a few readers/friends showed that they are on the fence about this process we call aging. Here’s a sample of the wisdom I gratefully received. (Thank you all sincerely!)

For starters, from a friend that I have known since college days – ” I have mixed emotions about aging. I don’t ever really think about it, but lately so many things have happened in my life that I’ve begun to realize that I am not as young as I used to be. I will probably handle aging in a mixed medium. I will continue to fight through exercising, eating right along with a lot of laughing and dancing. On the other hand, I will continue to pursue what will help my body and mind continue to function in this fast-pace world. I hope to age gracefully but full of life.” G.C.

From a close friend and contemporary of my recently-deceased, 78 year-old mom (who was very helpful during mom’s illness) – “My motto is God Bless Pain Pills so I can do most of what I want without minding the pain too much.” P.L.

From my dear friend L.R. (we share a grand) “Unfortunately, I can relate. Fortunately, I agree with the points you make. This aging thing is beginning to take over more of my thoughts. I am now calling it the age of loss. Every week I lose something or someone from my life. I’ve got to start replacing or I’ll be down to nothing soon.”

And from a childhood friend that I have know for over 55 years “I was just thinking about this topic not too long ago…the realization that aging can be beautiful if you will allow it to come through and manage it as part of a natural process.” K.S.

Let the dialogue continue. Please talk to your friends and children about it.

I’ll end with a quote by my favorite doctor. “How did it get so late so soon?” Dr. Seuss.