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Back to the Future…Again

13 Wednesday Jan 2016

Posted by mbtrevino in Accessible Home, Aging in Place. Seniors, SilverTsunami, Uncategorized

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Aging, Boomers, Livability

 

Yesterday, I told my landlord that I would be moving out soon. I dreaded telling him. With all the drama that my tenants put me through in the last year; twelve troubled months felt like a decade. The last thing I wanted was to be a problem tenant.

My landlord told me that he already had a new tenant lined up; a 90 year old lady. She’s been renting someplace else but wanted to move to a ground-floor apartment, one that was easier to access. I was able to maneuver up these three steps when I was on crutches. You can tell a lot about accessibility if you can get where you need to while on crutches. You couldn’t get up here easily in a wheel chair.

Today, my domain name SafeGraySpace automatically renewed. I got an email this morning. So here I am; back to the future.

I looked at the site again. It’s valid. A 90 year old needs to move; at her age? Who was making plans for her safety and comfort? It is society’s disgrace.That’s not where any one should be at 90.

Soon, I will moving out of this space into the downstairs unit of the duplex. It is not the SafeGraySpace I intend to remake it into. But I have a plan. I am certain most of my existing plan will be modified. In the initial step of cleaning up after the renter’s,   I discovered things that the building inspection should have revealed but didn’t.

Trying to clean up around the bathroom window, a huge chunk of termite-ridden debris fell from the area that should have been the window frame. I stopped. It looked more like dirty lace than wood. I suspected that I could be doing more harm than good.

My plan is to move in and stay in it the way it is for awhile. It is livable. I once lived in an off-grid, no running water, log-cabin at 9,000′ elevation for 6 years. I can do this. I need to know that this place is where I want to create my SafeGraySpace. It’s a start.

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Repeat After Me

21 Tuesday Apr 2015

Posted by mbtrevino in AARP, Aging, Alzheimers, Anti-Aging, Assisted Living, Boomers, Dementia, Elders, livability

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Aging, Alzheimer's, Assisted Living, Boomers, Dementia, Elders, Livability, Vinyl records

For those of us who grew up with vinyl records, we know what it sounds like when a record skips. You hear the same music or lyrics over and over until you move the arm over the scratch. Or you could tape a penny onto the arm to try to create enough pressure for the needle to find it’s way through. You had a favorite song, off a favorite record, by a favorite group. It’s difficult to give it all up.

I hear the same stories over and over when visiting with my step-dad at the Retirement Community for Active Seniors where he resides. I have tried all the hints; validate what they are saying, distract or redirect them to another activity. But within minutes, he repeats the same question, the same story over and over. I have not found a way to tape a penny to the arm that is guiding that needle through the grooves in his mind.

I dearly love this man; he’s the remaining elder of our family. I try to spend time with him regularly. In order to do so, I have learned to set limits. In a typical visit, I hear the same story every 5 minutes. When we sit with his friends, almost all of them do exactly the same thing. I cannot change the course of his life but I try to show up and show some compassion. And, I try to learn from what I am witnessing. I plan to plan for my own inevitable changes.

Repeat after me- Plan on aging. It eventually happens. Normal aging does not condemn you to assisted living, but the majority of the people residing where my step-dad lives have some obvious degree of dementia. Dementia is a broad term and Alzheimer’s is a form of dementia. Alzheimer’s numbers are alarming. An estimated 5.3 million Americans have this disease.

This number continues to grow. In ten years, the number of people 65 + with Alzheimer’s is estimated to reach over 7 million. My friend has a mom that lives in the same Retirement Community as my step-dad. She is moving her mom to another facility, one that can seamlessly transition residents from assisted living to full-time nursing care. Her mom’s health is diminishing. My friend is planning for the next step.

Repeat after me, start thinking about your own future. Repeat after me- plan on aging.

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Isn’t She Wonderful

14 Tuesday Apr 2015

Posted by mbtrevino in Aging, Blindness, Grandparenting, Isn't She Wonderful

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Aging, Blindness, Cataracts, Grandparenting, Isn't she Wonderful

Gramps had cataracts. He had them removed when one of my daughters was about 6 months old. He’d met her and held her before his surgery but shortly after the cataracts were removed, we visited him again. He held my baby up in the air and examined her. For the first time, he could see her clearly.

She was his first Great-Grandchild. His eyes filled with tears that silently slid down his cheeks, but his smile stretched from ear to ear. He cradled her close to his heart and said to all of us quietly watching, “Isn’t she wonderful.”
His mother had cataracts too but in her day, surgery was not an option and hers were not removed. She eventually lost her vision. Her death certificate actually states that she was blind.

As a child, Gramps would take me to visit with her and most every time, she would ask him to run an errand. She kept her money stashed away in a small wooden box. She only used $5.00 bills so there was no mistake about the amount.

He would try to refuse her money but he learned long ago to comply. It was important to let her go through the steps of opening the box, feeling the thick stack of bills and carefully taking out a few to give to him.

Her independence was vital to her spirit. Once, when Gramps was off running errands, she heard my stomach growl. She had not lost her hearing. In fact, it seemed like she had super-powers.

I followed the unspoken rule and did not try to change her mind. She told me to go out into the backyard to the hen house and gather some eggs. I did. I brought them in and watched in complete amazement as she found her box of matches, lit the burner on her gas stove, slid the cast iron skillet onto that burner and fried us each an egg.

I knew she was totally blind. But she knew her own world and managed to live in it.

She heard the car before I did. When she told me to wipe the egg off my face, I realized that she really wasn’t blind, she just couldn’t see.

I felt sad leaving her. I think all of us were a little sad. She whispered something to Gramps as they hugged goodbye. I saw a tear slide down his cheek and looked and saw that she had wet cheeks too, but they were both smiling.

I waved goodbye as we drove away but then realized she couldn’t see me waving.

Gramps could tell I was sad. He asked me if I understood what she had said. They only spoke Spanish to each other. I spoke Spanglish. That is what we called our blend of English and Spanish.

He said that she told him I was wonderful and then he said to me; “Isn’t she wonderful?”

On the Fence

22 Sunday Mar 2015

Posted by mbtrevino in Aging, Anti-Aging, Boomers, Elders

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Aging, Anti Aging, Boomers, Elders, Seniors

My Anti Anti-Aging post got some attention with a little bit of reaction. Seems like a few readers/friends showed that they are on the fence about this process we call aging. Here’s a sample of the wisdom I gratefully received. (Thank you all sincerely!)

For starters, from a friend that I have known since college days – ” I have mixed emotions about aging. I don’t ever really think about it, but lately so many things have happened in my life that I’ve begun to realize that I am not as young as I used to be. I will probably handle aging in a mixed medium. I will continue to fight through exercising, eating right along with a lot of laughing and dancing. On the other hand, I will continue to pursue what will help my body and mind continue to function in this fast-pace world. I hope to age gracefully but full of life.” G.C.

From a close friend and contemporary of my recently-deceased, 78 year-old mom (who was very helpful during mom’s illness) – “My motto is God Bless Pain Pills so I can do most of what I want without minding the pain too much.” P.L.

From my dear friend L.R. (we share a grand) “Unfortunately, I can relate. Fortunately, I agree with the points you make. This aging thing is beginning to take over more of my thoughts. I am now calling it the age of loss. Every week I lose something or someone from my life. I’ve got to start replacing or I’ll be down to nothing soon.”

And from a childhood friend that I have know for over 55 years “I was just thinking about this topic not too long ago…the realization that aging can be beautiful if you will allow it to come through and manage it as part of a natural process.” K.S.

Let the dialogue continue. Please talk to your friends and children about it.

I’ll end with a quote by my favorite doctor. “How did it get so late so soon?” Dr. Seuss.

Anti Anti-Aging

17 Tuesday Mar 2015

Posted by mbtrevino in AARP, Aging, Anti-Aging, Boomers, Retirement, SilverTsunami

≈ 1 Comment

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AARP, Aging, Anti Aging, Bad knees, Boomers, Elderly

Look at just about any advertisement anywhere, in print, on-line, on TV and it is trying to sell you something to make you look younger, reverse the look of aging, preserve what youth you may still radiate. Not much for anyone who wants to healthfully embrace aging. And not too much concern or conversation about it either. I remember my own Grandmother’s 80 birthday party. I was about 30. She whispered to me that “you will feel old for a lot longer than you ever felt young, so learn not to fight with it.” She aged beautifully. I myself have merely aged. And she was right about feeling old a lot longer than feeling young, especially if you have been injured or you simply live as long as she did. She was almost 93 when she died. On my 50th birthday, my grown kids and I did a Class 5, white-water river rafting trip on the Cache la Poudre. For my 60th, we are going to celebrate with a more mellow, water-based family weekend. There are two babies in our family that need to ripen more before we ever subject them to that extreme level of adventure. The key word here is ripen. I am just ripening too. I don’t want to fight aging. I want to gradually mellow into what nature intended all along, an older me. The wrinkles show more when I laugh than when I keep a straight face but I would much rather laugh than not. The body parts I accidentally wounded and injured over the past 60 years sometimes remind me very loudly of how many miles they have taken me. We have a truce about how to keep adding more miles. My knee doctor told me it was my choice, I could play really hard for a little while longer or I could walk really well for a whole lot longer. I like walking just fine. I plan to mellow to a ripe old age. I am going for a walk…

Anti Anti-Aging

17 Tuesday Mar 2015

Posted by mbtrevino in AARP, Aging, Aging in Place. Seniors, Anti-Aging, Boomers

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Aging, Anti Aging, Bad knees, Boomers, Elders, Ripe ol age, Seniors

Look at just about any advertisement anywhere, in print, on-line, on TV and it is trying to sell you something to make you look younger, reverse the look of aging, preserve what youth you may still radiate. Not much for anyone who wants to healthfully embrace aging. And not too much concern or conversation about it either. I remember my own Grandmother’s 80 birthday party. I was about 30. She whispered to me that “you will feel old for a lot longer than you ever felt young, so learn not to fight with it.” She aged beautifully. I myself have merely aged. And she was right about feeling old a lot longer than feeling young, especially if you have been injured or you simply live as long as she did. She was almost 93 when she died. On my 50th birthday, my grown kids and I did a Class 5, white-water river rafting trip on the Cache la Poudre. For my 60th,  we are going to celebrate with a more mellow, water-based family weekend. There are two babies in our family that need to ripen more before we ever subject them to that extreme level of adventure. The key word here is ripen. I am just ripening too. I don’t want to fight aging. I want to gradually mellow into what nature intended all along, an older me. The wrinkles show more when I laugh than when I keep a straight  face but I would much rather laugh than not. The body parts I accidentally wounded and injured over the past 60 years sometimes remind me very loudly of how many miles they have taken me. We have a truce about how to keep adding more miles. My knee doctor told me it was my choice, I could play really hard for a little while longer or I could walk really well for a whole lot longer. I like walking just fine. I plan to mellow to a ripe old age. I am going for a walk…

Fundamental Steps to create a Safe Gray Space

27 Friday Feb 2015

Posted by mbtrevino in AARP, Accessible Home, Aging in Place. Seniors, Boomers, HomeDepot, livability, Livable Community, Lowe's, Ott-Lites

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AARP, Accessible Home, Aging, Boomers, Eldercare, HomeDepot, Livability, livable, Lowe's, Ott-Lites

Simple principles can be utilized to modify an existing home and create a more effective space for aging in place. Though these concepts will reduce risk factors for any occupant, they’re particularly relevant for an elder resident’s safety. Enabling dignified self-sufficiency and functional independence are the desired outcomes.

Lighting- Vision gets worse over time. If I could reverse one thing about my own aging process, this would be it. (I am not a candidate for corrective surgery.) Providing proper lighting is not difficult. The lack of it, makes activities of daily living more difficult. The entire space should be well lit. I have several Ott-Lites that I rely upon, one by my couch, another on my bedside table and one in my office. Illuminated rocker switches are better/easier to see and use than traditional toggle light switches. If you can increase natural lighting, this has multiple health benefits; pets and plants require sunlight. Balance the quest for more light against the problem of unwanted glare.

Doors-  Replace doorknobs with lever-style hardware. Turning knobs can become painful and frustrating with stiff joints and loss of grip that often develops over time. Make sure the locking mechanism functions smoothly; update/upgrade if necessary. Trying to force open a difficult lock will annoy almost anyone but can become a real nightmare for a locked-out elder. Duplicate keys should be given to trusted neighbors; just in case. Consider a lighted key-chain for the front door key. (AARP sent one when I enrolled) Also investigate Security Door-Viewers; confidence is empowering. Check out Lowe’s $20 Giant-Screen version. In fact, Lowe’s has an entire department dedicated to the Accessible Home.

Floors – All floors must be slip-resistant. Get rid of area rugs. Install nonskid tape under rugs that you cannot part with. Optimum Technologies Lok Lift Rug Gripper for Runners, 4-Inch by 25-Feet runs around $10. Eliminate slip/trip points like thresholds wherever possible, or reduce their height. For those who use walkers or canes, low-pile carpeting is safest so the device doesn’t catch and cause a fall.

Stairs- For those living on more than one level, stairs can be especially dangerous. Install skid-resistant carpet treads. Sturdy handrails on both sides of the staircase, if possible are mandatory. Clearly defined steps that indicate where the edge of the tread is, will help prevent falls. 3M has a complete product line.

Entryways – Juggling keys, packages, and mail can unbalance someone entering or exiting. Have a chair, table, bench, or other flat surface for setting things down. Hang an accessible key-hook rack. In addition, provide bright lighting at entryways. Home Depot and Lowe’s both have a wide array of motion detector outdoor lighting. Solar pathway lights should be installed and can also be used in an emergency to provide lighting for nighttime power failures. Homebrite Solar 3 Way LED Path Lights, set of 4, $50 is a wise buy.

Bathroom – The best return-on-investment!
A no-threshold shower (walk-in/step-in) with canted floor (very gradual slope to drain) and well placed grab bars are essential to make bathing safer. These must be strategically installed so they are structurally sound and can handle weight. Put grab bars in the shower, by the toilet and sink and other areas in the room where you may need to steady someone or help support a wet, slippery, full-sized human. A single-handled faucet control reduces the chance of scalding at the sink, and a pressure-balanced control does the same in the shower. A hand-held shower head (Home Depot’s $50.00 Waterpic with 5′ hose) was extremely helpful to me when I was recovering from knee surgery. An accident and subsequent operation gave me first-hand experience with mobility challenges. Last, but not least, the $50 Lowe’s hand-held toilet bidet sprayer helps promote personal hygiene and preserve dignity.

Sidewalks- Streets made safer with adequate sidewalks are better for everyone; people walking to work, a parent pushing a stroller, a child riding a bicycle to school. The shared space created by a neighborhood sidewalk encourages community. City officials need time to honor this concept. Begin the process now.

SilverTsunami

26 Thursday Feb 2015

Posted by mbtrevino in AARP, Aging in Place. Seniors, Boomers, Economic Insecurity, Retirement, SilverTsunami

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Aging, Boomers, Economic Insecurity, Eldercare, Elderly, Poverty, Retirement, SilverTsunami

Millions of people will enter retirement without sufficient resources to house and feed themselves for the rest of their lives. This “Silver Tsunami” is coming as the boomer generation enters their senior years. Between 2010 and 2030, the number of older Americans will double, to 72.1 Million. For the first time in history, people over 65 will outnumber children under 5. This past recession destroyed the dreams of a tradional retirement for many. When seniors are no longer employable or capable of working, there aren’t adequate strategies to keep the boomer generation out of homelessness and hunger. In the next 10 years, the “Silver Tsunami” will burden the social services system, tax communities and stress families to the point of collapse.

President Kennedy established Older Americans Month in 1963. Seventeen million Americans were 65 or older, about a third of those seniors lived in poverty. Now, according to a recent Census Bureau report, there are 40.3 million people aged 65 and older. Over 23 million Americans aged 60+ are economically insecure; living at or below 250% of the federal poverty level. According to AARP, in eight years, from 2001 – 2009, the number of Americans aged 50+ threatened by hunger soared by 79 percent, to nearly 9 million people. The Center for Retirement Research at Boston College said in 2013 that more than half of working-age households faced a deteriorating standard of living in retirement.”

According to the California Commission on Aging, the average income of elderly Californians is about $25,500, and Social Security accounts for 28 percent of older Californians’ income. A UCLA Center for Health Policy Research and the Oakland-based Insight Center for Community Economic Development estimated that 7 out of 10 elderly Latinos and African-Americans and six out of 10 Asians don’t have enough income to pay for their basic needs. Published in 2012, a Pew Research Center study found that the percentage of people ages 55 to 64 who doubt they will have enough to live on during retirement increased to 39 percent in 2012 from 26 percent in 2009. Meals on Wheels Research Foundation reports the number of seniors experiencing hunger rose 200 percent between 2001 and 2011.

There are deliberate decisions to consider and action steps to take.

First- Figure out where you want to live. Housing is the critical issue. The Internet is filled with lists of the most affordable places to retire. Based primarily on home prices, they also take things into consideration like weather and crime rate. Most of them ignore the desire and need to be near family, friends (caregivers) and facilities (healthcare, recreation/community centers/resources) If uprooting and relocating is an option, try an extended stay at a few places before you fully commit to moving. This is a step you should carefully explore before you retire. Prepare your living space for the long haul; if you plan on staying in your current home, make absolute certain it can accommodate you as your body morphs with age and possibly disease. Unforeseen mobility issues will complicate almost every single activity of daily living; practically every possible thing. Think about steps, stairs, hallways, first floor bedrooms, lighting, kitchen and bathroom cabinets, electrical plugs and switches that you can reach. Ease of bathroom access and functionality is essential.  Borrow or rent a wheel chair and see how your activities of daily living work out. Think hard about how much space you actually need and want to maintain. Even if your home is paid off, houses are expensive to heat, cool and maintain. Consider ways your home can provide additional income; rent a room to a college student or another retired person thereby turning it into a source of income for you. If any remodeling or updating needs to be done, do it while you are up for this mentally, and financially challenging process.

Deal with the Directives, wills, etc. (Advanced Directives) Medical and Durable Powers of Attorney. Have these serious,honest and often uncomfortable conversations with your children, friends, family members. Do it now.

Start saving. AARP reports that three out of five households headed by a person 65 or older have ZERO money in retirement savings accounts. Be reasonable about this. Earn potential prosperity from acceptable austerity.

Learn to budget (again) Retired people that live on fixed incomes generally use a combination of Social Security and a pension and/or withdrawals from their 401k or IRA. Occasionally, there may be passive income. Run the numbers now. Create a Long-Term plan and prepare a plan B as well; life can throw costly curve balls.

ALSO- Adjust your expectations. You will not have your parents’ retirement or even the one you were anticipating 10 years ago. Plan to work longer and be creative about producing income and reducing expenses. Be realistic about the life style you want to maintain.

Better for me/ Better for you

08 Monday Dec 2014

Posted by mbtrevino in AARP, Aging, Silver Tsunami

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Aging, Death of Parents, Gray Spaces, Shades of Gray

This is not just about me. It is about you too.

This is what I imagine myself saying to my grown kids.

In March, my mom died. She was 78, just 19 years older than me. (TickTock)

The disaster of her death sent my already challenged family-of-origin spinning from our normal gulf of confusion into an uncharted sea of calamity.

In the end, it was a full-blown, ocean-sized Tsunami. I refuse to let my own children, go through the Hell that I am only now, beginning to escape from.

My maternal grandmother’s last spoken words to me (on her death bed,in her own home) over twenty years ago were about a similar, tragic situation.

She warned me, referring to an enormous rift between my cousins, over their mom’s death debacle; “Do NOT let this happen to your children.”

My grandmother was 100% Danish. Her Scandinavian heart was gentle but these words were spoken with a Viking might that meant she was dead serious.

At ninety, she proclaimed to me that now she felt old, and we made a pact that I would not let her be put into an “Old-Folks Home.” (This was 1995, and that is what she called it.) She and her three siblings had struggled fiercely over what to do with thier own mother.

I have decided to take the the sum of these familial experiences and create an achievable plan that will hopefully avoid some of the painful pitfalls I witnessed.

The place you live as you enter the “golden years” will determine much about how this plays out. My mom lived in an elevated, remote beach house. I had tried for the past five years to get her to move to a more accessible, reasonable space to “age-in-place.”

Her excuses were numerous; she stubbornly resisted and stayed put. So to actively embrace the unavoidable, next phase of my life, I have put a contract on a very small duplex.

It has a ground floor unit and an upper floor unit. It needs work. I plan to fix it up, one level at a time. The ground floor level will be an elder-friendly/gracefully-gray space. The upper-level unit can be rented out to produce income or possibly house a care-taker, if that need eventually arises.

I want to do this when my mind and body are still fully functioning. I saw how swiftly my mom’s life-force was altered and in the end, destroyed by disease. I am scheduled to close the day I turn 59.5. I will continue to share this journey with you. Stay tuned…

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