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Out running errands after the rain stopped, I heard my phone ding. It dinged again so I pulled over.The text was from one of my grown children. It asked who ”Somebody” was.

A person had just posted something horrific about a dear member of our family.  I called. I could hear the tears in her big, blue eyes. She sounded like the 5 year old version of her 33 year old self.

We’re a tough bunch but sometimes, things hurt deeply. I needed to let my fully grown child know that the person who had posted the garbage was hurting too. Yes, what the FB Poster did was wrong and what she said was too. It’s not easy to balance the necessity to remain tough with the need to be compassionate.

Yesterday was a rough day. Our family finally got to claim my brother’s body and proceed to the next step in the passage that begins when you die. Feelings are all jumbled up.  Badly-timed, often spilling out in unpredictable places. Mainly, relief that he is no longer suffering but very, deep concern for his now parent-less children. Presently, they’re living with grandparents. Nothing is easy or simple right now.

My daughter immediately went to the defense of our dear family member and reported the hateful post. After I got the call, I drove directly back home. I needed to see for myself what was going on and I didn’t want to do it from the side of the road. When other people’s pain hurts my kids, I take action.

By the time I looked, the post had already been removed. My daughter has a two year old daughter. I hope she grows up to be like her mom. Strong enough to handle the hard stuff but wise enough to stay true to your heart, to your family, and to the people you love.

We will get through this. Part of the grief process is painful.

Don’t let the pain hijack your core values. Lead with love.

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