I just found out that someone that I had once loved very much was in a fatal accident.

Fatal. Yes, as in deceased. His life on this earth has ended.

First, we were friends. We were eventually lovers.

After a few years of highs and lows, we ended it.

He reached out to me numerous times after we parted ways wanting to make another go of it.

I declined. Each time we ended the conversation, he would always say “Never forget that I will love you forever. Promise me that you will never forget that. OK?” I would say, “OK. I promise.”

And now, I add this dear love to the loves that I have been incredibly fortunate to have experienced.

From Will Shakespeare to Willie Nelson, there is many a love story or love song about how it is far better to have known love and lost it than to have not known love at all.

And just what is forever? We love people in the abstract as well as in the flesh. We can love forever.

How will I honor that promise?

Fondly.

As I have tried to process his death, I have remembered many of the beautiful places we traveled to.

 I have remembered the quiet nights that sat still as we watched the fields outside his house light up with fireflies as they blinked their messages to one another, “Here I am. See me shine.”

And the many star filled nights from all over the states we traveled to. He knew his constellations. He was a sailor. In my mind, at last, he is sailing with a steady breeze on calm seas forever.

I will remember the many times he helped me study for my GRE and then for my two years of classes that I took as a non-traditional student in a master’s program.

He truly encouraged me to always go after my goals. He sincerely cared about my future.

To honor him, to truly honor the promise that I made to always remember that he loved me, I will continue to always go after my goals.

With my heart holding a precious space for the love we once shared, I will work even harder now.

I will remember and forever, I will keep the promise.